Carrying multiple small creatures on his body was nowhere near the List, which was good for Voolio, being that he was doing just that.

Attached to his left shoulder was Hob, to the right, Gob, and on top of his head sat their gods-sent advocate, Mr. Orcman himself. His squat friends whispered around Voolio’s head, but it didn’t bother him much. The reason for that, however, isn’t easy to explain, so I’ll let Voolio explain it in his own words:

So, there’s this thing that happens sometimes when I’m tired or bored or whatever where I like… fall asleep, but I’m still awake? Like, I look like I’m awake but I’m… not. It’s hard to explain. I guess it’s like sleepwalking but I can see what’s happening if I want to. The problem is that no one ever notices the difference or anything. But anyway, when that happens I have these weird dreams. I tried to tell Bauwls about it one time but we talked over each other so I just let it go. So, yeah, I have these dreams and they’re kinda… erm… more real than real? If you know what I mean. I don’t really know what it is. Kinda wacky and kooky, if you were asking for my opinion. They always take me to this beautiful little place where I can look down at what’s going on with me if I want to, or I can just chill. I usually chill.

There you have it, folks. Now, with that tangent out of the way, we can get back to regularly scheduled programming.

The minutes following the meeting were without incident. Then, they were with incident. As they walked on, Voolio, with three creatures in tow, experienced exactly what he so eloquently described above. Soon, he was relaxing on a cloud, ignoring the situation unfolding below. After some time, though, he decided he’d exhausted the entertainment value of doing nothing, as is inevitable. So, he returned to his body.

Things could not have been worse.

He looked around, trying to ease himself into his current circumstance, being that they were grim even by his standards. He was sitting on a rickety bed whose mattress was uncomfortably moist. He tried to get up, but found that he had been shackled to the bedpost by his wrists.

Luckily, he wasn’t alone. Beside him on the bed was a paler-than-usual Vix rocking back and forth on the mattress, making faces like he was sitting on thumbtacks. Past him was a second bed, on which sat, in order of ascending height, Dylk, Banan, and Ballin. They were in fierce debate over something Voolio couldn’t pin down at that moment, so he stayed out of it. The rest of the room was more interesting than any of his companions anyway, curiously containing both a bookshelf and a sewage hole. And, sitting leisurely atop the dark wood shelf, was a rat. Just a normal, run of the mill, scurry around your legs in a backwater tavern, rat. Voolio held eye contact with it for far longer than is considered normal to hold eye contact with a rat before it dropped off the bookshelf and pattered along the wood paneled floor to the underneath of the bed.

“Did you see that rodent, Vix?” Vix had stopped creaking the bed, and was presently brandishing the face of a satisfied man. Half-man.

“I didn’t,” he said, staying still, “but I want to.”

“Come check it out, haha. Come check it out.” Voolio laid belly-down on the bed, trying to get a good look at the creature. All he got was an eyeful of darkness.

“But, I’m so comfy,” Vix said. Voolio came back up and noticed for the first time Vix’s strange arrangement.

He’d taken up a position which had his legs hanging off the side of their imprisonment device, one leg pointed toward the ground, as is natural, while the other was straightened parallel to it. His left leg, the normal one, was raised dramatically at the buttock, creating an uneasy balance to the whole thing. Uneasy, that is, for Voolio. Vix did not look the least bit uncomfortable. It looked almost as if he had traded places with Voolio, and was now in a dream.

“Y’know what? I get it,” Voolio said. He leaned his head past Vix’s, turning his attention to the Three Stoozles⁸ on Bed B. They were still arguing, but now Voolio had a better idea of what they were arguing about.

“Now isn’t the best time for this,” Ballin said.

“What are you, kidding me? This is the perfect time for this!” Dylk said, clanking his chains.

“Now, gentlemen, I believe we can-”

“I’m not doing it, Dylk!”

“Yes, you are!”

“Nope.”

“It’s right here in my-”

“No!”

“We’ll be out of here in no-”

“I don’t care, Dylk! I don’t care!”

“I-”

“I don’t care, you garden gnome! We can stay here forever, for all I-”

“I’m not a gnome!”

“-care! And another thing!”

“Oh, go ahead!”

“I will! Look!” Ballin pointed to Voolio, who was petrified at the sight of the theater actor choosing him for audience participation, of all people.

“What about him?” Dylk asked, screamingly.

“He’s normal again!”

“He’s normal again,” Dylk said mockingly. “He’s normal again?” Dylk did a double take.

“I’m normal again!” Voolio again, stretching his arms out as far as he could. “What’s happening?”

“Did you mean that like…?”

“Huh?”

“Was that figurative?”

“What? Oh, no.”

“Right,” Ballin said, “where do we start, Dylk?”

“I can’t even remember the whole thing… what do you think, Banan?”

“As I recall, we were in a hut on the island-”

“Yeah, yeah!” Dylk said. “There was a hut on an island inside Crescent Lake, and we-”

“We got ambushed while we were sleeping, I think,” Ballin said.

“Yes, we did, indeed. On the tall man’s guard, I do believe,” Banan said, harumphing mightily.

“Hey! I didn’t do anything,” Voolio said, quite correctly.

“No, it was Balder’s guard,” Ballin said, thinking.

“I knew we couldn’t trust him,” Dylk muttered.

“Dylk, you have no right-”

“Oh, I have the right, alright! And that speech he gave earlier! What was up with that?”

“That speech was astonishing, wasn’t it?” Banan asked.

“We’re getting off track,” Ballin said. “Where was I?"

“We were at the… the uh… the ambush,” Dylk said.

“That’s right, then they drugged us all with something,” Ballin said.

“But let us not forget the goblins’ attempted escape,” Banan said.

“Escape?” Voolio asked.

“Attempted escape,” Ballin said. “Balder caught them trying to sneak out on his watch, I think. I saw him catching them right before we got ambushed.

“And why was he waiting for them to escape, you ask?” Dylk said.

“I didn’t ask-”

“Just a little strange, don’t ya think? That he happened to be watching them in particular? And he left the rest of us unguarded to do it?”

“He knew they wanted to leave, Dylk,” Ballin said. “All of us seem to know it but you and Gnom.”

“Where is the little guy, anyway?” Voolio asked, looking around.

“Him and the others probably joined the death cult here, knowing them,” Dylk said, rattling his chain rhythmically.

“I’m sure your friends are fine, sabro,” Banan said. “Having had some experience with your selection process myself, I’m certain they’re already on their way out of this place.”

“Why… why did you… you totally jinxed them!” Voolio, for the first time since losing track of Vix, panicked.