Voolio’s back itched. So, he found an awesome scratching tree and went to town. It was a nice spring day in the forests of north Urk. The afternoon sun shone down on his green face, the birds chirped and called, all was well. Except for one thing.

Voolio’s back still itched to high hell and the tree wasn’t working.

Bad news all around. An unitched back was high on Voolio’s List of Terrible Things, which was extensive. An un-itched back, in fact, was number 14, just above sinus infections, poverty, and Bring Me the Bugs’ third studio album, Buggin’ Out. That album sucked.

Finding no better solution, Voolio started walking again. He had a lot of ground to cover and a lot of time to make up, especially after the whole day he spent wrestling a beaverbear off the road. He only managed to remember that he could use magic on it just before it clawed his eyes out. Now, eyes still attached, he walked ever closer to Orctown, native land of orcs who come from Orctown, which was a small number when compared to all the Orcs who didn’t come from Orctown, which was a lot. Populations aside, though, Orctown was the place to look if he was ever going to find-

“Hi!” The voice came from somewhere in front of him.

“Where are you?” he asked. “Are you a… a… a ghost?” Voolio quaked in his boots.

“No! I’m down here!”

Voolio looked down to see a funny looking garden decoration in front of him.

“My name’s Gnom,” it said, “Gnom Orcman.” It stretched out a hand.

“Hi, little fella! Would you scratch my back?” He turned around so the small creature could get a good look.

“Erm… I guess so,” it said slowly. It jumped up on Voolio’s back and soon the itch was melting away.

“That’s really good, little guy! Oo, how about you stay on my back and I keep walking?”

“Well,” the trinket said, “where are you going?”

“Orctown.”

“Orctown?” Voolio heard the tchotchke’s jaw drop to the ground. “What do you want to go to Orctown for?”

“I’m looking for my mom,” he said.

“Oh, well what’s her name? I might know her.”

“Her name’s Voonhilda Realus. Do you? Do you know her?” A big meaty smile sloshed across his face.

“No, and I just left Orctown. I’m going to Rattwater if you wanna come.” Voolio thought about it for a second. This small rodent doesn’t know her and he was just there.

“Eh, sure, whatever,” he said. “Which way is this Rattwater?”

“That way,” it said, hopping on his shoulder and pointing down the road Voolio had just come from.

“Aw man,” he said. Backtracking was number 38 on the List.