He didn’t think it was that big of a Super Duper Light Beam. It was. It was really, really big. Big enough, in fact, to destroy the entire great hall of the temple. It crumbled before him so completely and in such a satisfying way that the move was almost worth it.

But it was satisfying in the way that accidentally smashing a window in is satisfying. Very, but for a slim amount of time. Yeah, that was pretty cool, Vix thought, running his hands through his long, golden locks. Then his stomach dropped.

“What the hell happened?” The voice came from behind him. It wasn’t happy. “Vix, you’ve really outdone yourself this time! I’m running you out! I mean it! No, seriously!”

Vix wasn’t paying much attention to him, truth be told. He was focusing mostly on the massive hole that had once been the most ancient dining hall on Pord-Ithil.

“I’m getting an Athis! I’ll get you for this if it’s the last thing I do!” The disgruntled elf ran as quickly as his little legs could carry him.

Vix just sat there while he was gone, not thinking about much (his favorite pastime). This was gonna happen sooner or later, he thought; it was a miracle he stayed out of trouble as long as he did. Maybe ‘stayed out of trouble’ isn’t the best way to put it. He’d gotten into his fair share of trouble in the temple, he’d be the second to admit.

There was the time he absorbed all the light in the temple just as the elders were finishing up a potion that could cure halitosis, causing its total annihilation. Then there was the time he crashed the airship, that was a bad one. Oh, and he always forgot about the incident with the minotaur. But not even that was as bad as this. No, this topped it all.

The little elf returned with a slightly bigger elf at his side.

“Athis Seemo, feast your eyes on the legendary stupidity of Vix!” He gestured grandly at the ruin around them. Seemo walked through the conveniently intact doorway with his trademark scowl across his stupid, idiot, perfect face.

“Well,” he said, “explain yourself, half-elf.” The two of them looked down at Vix, who was sitting criss-cross applesauce on the ground, playing with a piece of the roof.

“Uh, so, I was doing my rounds around the temple and as I walked in here, I felt a sneeze coming on. So I went to cover my mouth and… accidentallyshotaSuperDuperLightBeamintothewall.”

“What was that last part again?” Seemo asked.

“Well, I… shotaSuperDuperLight-”

“I knew it!” Seemo yelled. “You’re done! We’ve all had enough of your hijinxs and I think it’s time I finally put a stop to them. Follow me.”

“Oh, man,” Vix said, following them out the door and feeling sorry for himself.

The trio walked along the very much uncrumbled grounds of the temple, past many a stink-eye and sneer from fellow temple-goers. They passed the famous twenty-seven towers of the Ithes² (or at least a scale model of the originals), the monstrous statue of the current leader of the temple, Lord Tido, and of course the iconic original location of combination Alcoholics Anonymous and brewery chain, “Playing Both Sides.” Could use a stop at Both Sides right now, Vix thought, walking across the courtyard.

It was a nice day. Shame he couldn’t stop to enjoy it. His companions tugged him forward when he tried. Spring he thought, is almost as good as the other ones! Vix’s superiors at the temple - everyone - didn’t allow him to go outside. Might get away, you know? Well, he was outside now and it was great. Sun shining, birds chirping, elves yelling.

After a few minutes of walking and a couple dozen arm tugs, they arrived at their destination: the Lord’s office. Situated in the exact middle of the temple, the Lord’s office was bigger than any other building in it. Vix had been inside it for almost more time than he was out. He had asked on one unfortunate occasion, in fact, for the building to be renamed the Lord and Vix’s Office, since they spent so much time together there. I wonder if it’s still off the table, he thought as he went through the massive doors for what would be the last time.

It was still as incredible as ever. Vaulted ceiling, muraled walls, stained glass, the whole nine yards. Vix especially liked the mural of two dancing babies above the third pillar on the left. He’d named them Up and Over after mishearing the lord call them Oak and Clover.

The three of them got to the end of the office after about five minutes of fast-paced, high octane walking, and Vix had been staring in awe at the old elf in the chair for the last two. He didn’t have his usual welcoming sneer this time, only a sort of astonishment. Vix thought he might have even seen a spark of happiness in his eyes as he spoke:

“Athis Seemo!”

“Lord Tido.” Seemo bowed.

“Only good news, I hope?” the lord asked, leaning over his desk.

“Only the best of news!”

“Well, what is it?” He looked for a moment at Vix. Vix smiled.

“Vix here has destroyed the great hall!” the short unnamed one who wasn’t Seemo or Tido said. The old elf in the big, big chair sat still for a second, his wrinkly old mouth opening into a smile.

“Good news, indeed!” The room seemed to illuminate around him.

“Huh?” Vix asked, trying in his own way to communicate his sense of total bewilderment.

“Yes, Vix! You thorn in the backside, you’re going away! You’re finally going away!” Tido jumped up out of his seat and did a little jig before sitting down again.

“So it’s official, then?” Seemo asked.

“Yes! He’s gone! Vix,” Tido said, “you are hereby exiled from the temple of Ithil. I-”

“Just this one?” Vix asked. The lord stopped speaking and stared at him for a while.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, there’s a lot of temples in Ithil, Tido. Could I go to say… the one in Thasime?” Tido looked at Seemo, Seemo looked at Vix, and Vix looked at the short unnamed one, of all people.

“Uh… no. You may not,” Tido said, running his fingers through his grey beard. “In fact, you are hereby exiled not only from this temple, but from Ithil entirely. Go away, quickly now.” He shooed them away with his hand and began flickering a torch on and off.

Seemo and uh… Seebo followed Vix out, saying something about “not want[ing] to miss this for the world.” Strange couple of guys, Vix thought. Seemo led them to a door in the outer wall of the temple, an ugly green pockmark on the otherwise pristine white brick. By this time, a small crowd had gathered around the three of them, apparently having inferred the news. Seemo, being in the position of obligation, spoke to them as much as he did to Vix:

“The day has come for one of our own to depart our company in a permanent fashion. It is a sad day for… someone, I presume. Let us all take a moment to look back on the memories we have of… you know what? What say we do away with tradition just this once; we’ll skip to the end. It is now time, Vix, for you to be given your exile title. What shall it be?” A few shouts came from the crowd:

“Vix the Fool!”

“Vix the Idiot!”

“Vix the Universally and Entirely Hated!”

“No, no,” Seemo said, “it must be something he cannot shake. Something that will signify this moment forever. What about… Vix the Fallen?” There was a roar of yeah oks and sure, that’s alrights, and so it was decided.

“Go now, Vix the Fallen,” Seemo said. “Go as far from here as you can. I bet the people of the Jub Desert will welcome you with open arms!” There was laughter from the crowd. Vix knew he was expected to speak then, remembering the exile of Denii the Twice Murderer just a few weeks before. He flipped his luscious hair back before he began.

“Goodbye, my friends and acquaintances. Perhaps we will meet another day! But now, I’m off to see the world, while all of you have fun studying here in this temple. It will be hard. Goodbye!” Then, with a clamor of realization behind him, he opened the door and left.